We could only hope
by Oldshadows
Summary: Castiel went in college and ran away from everything. In there, he met Dean and everything seemed to go in circles. Except that now, he's not alone. (Destiel - College!AU)
1. Prologue

**Heya again! Remember me?**

 **A/N: Alright so today I present you this new story. So this fanfiction is an AU story. College AU to be exact. This first part is base around Destiel. And yes there is a second part. After the second one I don't really know if I will do a sequel but it might happen.**

 **Once again I am sorry for any mistake you see in those chapters and please do not be to hard on me. I'm still learning you know.**

 **I changed the story a little bit to make everything fit. For example, Dean is two years older than Sam, not four.**

 **I wish to apologize if the college stuff doesn't quite make sense (like the dorms or even the college itself) I did some researches but I'm still in High School so I don't know how it is in those colleges.**

 **Characters are of course going to be OOC. (It's an AU...)**

 **Anyway, thank you for reading.**

* * *

We could only hope

 **Prologue**

Castiel Novak looked behind him as the bus closed its doors and left as fast as it arrived. He sighed and closed his eyes as he took a firm grip on his suitcase and started walking towards the college. The twenty years old young man walked inside the massive building and gasped. He had took the bus early from his home to arrive before everyone but it seemed that he had missed the call.

People were rushing everywhere and this place wasn't small, Castiel already felt overwhelmed. They had say that somebody was going to come bring him to his dorm from the main building but he couldn't see anybody that looked like somebody nice enough to show him around. He sighed again.

"You must be the Novak guy." Somebody said behind him and he turned as fast as he could.

"Um… yes?" Castiel said uncertainly.

"Good, I'm Samuel Winchester. Call me Sam." The guy said in front of him as he held his hand between them.

This guy – Sam - was a giant. He had long brown hair with greyish eyes that seemed to change color and he must have been seven feet high… minimum. Well maybe not but you got the point. Castiel looked up at him and took his hand to shake it.

"Castiel Novak… call me Castiel." He said with a frown and a tilt of head.

Sam smiled down at him and pointed his black suitcase. "I'll bring you to your dorm." Sam said with another smile.

This guy seemed nice, maybe he could have him as a friend. Maybe his two years here wouldn't be that bad… But he could only hope.

They exited the main building to walk down the road a little bit. They reached two other buildings and Sam pointed at one. "That's the dudes' dorm. You'll live here first, then when you're are settle you can find yourself an apartment if you want. Most students do that." He explained. "Here, follow me."

They entered the building on the left and stopped in front of the stairs, he turned to Castiel. "Do you have your number?" He asked and Castiel gave the paper to him. "Ah great, everything's on that."

They took the stairs and Sam walked down the corridor to arrive to one door. He smiled and asked for the keys.

"Why are you laughing?" Castiel asked as he gave him the keys he had been given some time ago in the mail.

"You're with my brother. He's a good guy don't worry. Just let him do his stuff." Sam explained as he unlocked the door. "Don't mind the mess." Then they entered the room.

A dark grey room with a small window in the back. There was one bed next to the left wall and one up the far side. This was a weird shaped bunk bed… There was a desk under the upper bed and another desk on the right side of the room. There was a bunch of stuff on the desk and Castiel could see magazines… porn magazines… Oh please no. There was one closet and that was pretty much it.

Castiel put his suitcase on the side of the wall and turned to Sam. Now what?

Sam's smile faded a little but it was still there. He wondered why. "Now I can show you around here a bit."

Castiel nodded without asking anything. "You have a week to get use to everything so I won't show you the college right now. I'll just show you around in the dorm. Follow me." Sam said as he told him to follow with a hand movement.

"This is the laundry room." Sam started then passed to the other one. "Those are the toilets…. There's small a library down there." He continued until they were downstairs. "This is the entertainment room. You can come down here whenever you want."

"Thanks." Castiel said as he watched Sam looking at his watch.

"I must go. See you around!" Sam said before running outside.

Castiel was left alone. He went back to his shared room. It had a weird smell too… like sweat? Castiel shook his head as he put his binder on the desk under the bed and turned the pages one by one. Classes ended at 5 p.m. and Castiel prepared himself to meet his new roommate.

He heard people fighting outside and he tensed up as he heard the door unlock. A guy walked in. He was a little bit taller than Castiel with short brown hair and emerald eyes. And of course… he had an American footballer outfit on. Castiel's hope of maybe be friend with his roommate faded automatically. The guy simply looked at him with a strange look.

"What the hell are you doing here?" He almost shouted.

"I… I'm um… your roommate…" Castiel shuddered.

"You got to be kidding me!?" He shouted. "You better not touch any of my stuff!"

"Of course…" Castiel whispered. This guy was already scaring him… "I'm… huh… I'm Castiel." He tried to present himself.

"I don't give two fucks. I had a bad okay? Just go away!"

"I… this is my room as well now." He tried to say louder.

The guy stopped in front of his face and took him by the neck of his shirt and threw him by the door. "Go away! I don't want to deal with that now!"

Castiel took the door handle and opened the door. He ran as fast as he could then stopped in a corner where Sam had said nobody went. He hid his head in his hands and started shaking. The guy was going to kill him if he stayed there with him. He had to tell Sam… maybe he could change room. But he was so tired… He couldn't think properly… He only wanted to cry.  
He had thought that coming here was a good idea. Leaving his parents and everybody else behind, but this was going to be worst. Now he had to live with an American footballer…

"I'm sorry for my brother… just give him time okay?" Sam said as he sat next to him. "I'm so sorry."


	2. Chapter 1

We could only hope

 **Chapter 1**

They didn't have school today. It was Saturday. Castiel had come back to the room on the next morning at around ten… he wanted to be sure the guy was awake. He knocked on the door and waited.

"Enter." He heard and he turned the door handle.

"Hello, I… can I have my stuff?" Castiel asked.

"You're not staying?" The guy asked with a way nicer voice.

"I don't want to bother you." Castiel explained.

Sam's brother jumped out of the upper bed and looked right at Castiel. He seemed to think for a while before he said uncertainly. "Cas… tiel?"

Castiel only nodded.

"I'm sorry for yesterday. My brother came to talk to me and I realized that I had been a massive dick." The guy said with a sigh. "How about we start again, huh?" He said as he held his hand between them just like his brother had did. "I'm Dean Winchester."

Castiel shook his hand and nodded. "Castiel Novak." He simply replied.

Dean smiled and Castiel couldn't help but smile back.

"So… um… I know it's a bit messy…" Dean said as he walked to the first desk and took off everything that was laying on it. He threw it on the upper bed and turned around. "That should do for now." He said as he put the rest on the other desk.

Dean hit the desk under the bed with the palm of his hand and turned his head. "This one is yours." He said then pointed the bed on the side. "So is this."

He quickly ran outside of the room and shouted in the corridor for his brother. Sam opened the door in diagonal and looked at him with a serious look.

"Can I have a box to put my stuff in?" Dean asked.

Sam went back to his room and got out with a wooden box. He threw it to his brother and Dean caught it with a smile. "Thanks!" He shouted as he closed the door.

Dean sighed as he looked at Castiel. The young man had the most intense blue eyes he had ever seen yet and his really dark hair were doing a great contrast. He was wearing a white shirt… probably the same as yesterday since Dean had threw him out. He had black pants and black shoes. He seemed like one: a rich kid or two: a giant geek or something. If he put glasses on his face, he would probably look like a full nerd.

Dean smiled as him. He was trying to calm the new student. He knew from what Sam had say that Castiel seemed easily scared and with the way he looked at Dean, he was probably already afraid of the football player.

"You don't have to be scared of me. I'm not that much of a dick in the end. I swear." Dean said as he tried to make his voice sound reassuring.

Castiel nodded and walked to his suitcase. He didn't talk, he simply opened his suitcase and looked at Dean who was cleaning the closet. The Winchester put a plank of wood between the walls to divide the closet. He put his clothes under the plank and pointed the upper part. "Put your clothes there." Dean simply said.

He moved to his desk and started cleaning. He put things in the cabbage, others in his wooden box then some stayed on the desk. They cleaned for a long time before Dean simply sat on the first bed and looked at Castiel who sat next to him.

"Ask." Dean simply said after a moment.

"Sorry, what?" Castiel replied as he turned.

"Ask your questions. I know you have some." Dean asked.

Castiel nodded and looked around for an instant. They had pretty much clean the whole room. Dean's desk was clean and Castiel noticed the stereo on top of the close wooden box next to the desk. It was a pretty nice looking room when it was all clean. There was a long string of light on the right wall and a picture of two kids next to a black car. There was also one of a child and his mother. Probably Dean's mom and himself. Dean and his brother seemed to like each other a lot… they were lucky.

"Cas?" Dean asked. "Can I call you Cas?"

"Sorry and of course. People never call me Castiel anyway." Castiel replied.

"Well it's kind of a mouthful." Dean nodded. "So you wanna ask something? We're going to live together so it would be good to know each other a small bit, huh?"

"Of course… um. Who is on that picture?" Castiel asked as he pointed the one with the car.

"The blondish boy is me and the one on the left is Sammy. You met him yesterday. Behind is my baby: a 1967 Chevy Impala. She's in the college's parking." Dean answered.

Castiel nodded slowly and smiled. "You seemed to be really close."

"Yeah, mom died when I was four and Sam was about two years old. Then our dad started leaving the house and drinking a lot. I basically raised Sam on my own." Dean said. "He can be a pain sometime but he's my baby brother and I love him."

Castiel could only nodded.

"You got siblings?" Dean asked.

"Yeah… we are not that close. And I am the baby so they don't really care about me." Castiel explained.

"How old are you?"

"Twenty. I'm here for two years."

"Ah okay. I'm nineteen… I'm here for ten month I think. I'm taking mechanic."

Castiel nodded slowly and smiled. "What was going on yesterday?"

"We had a fight with the football team and the coach. And my girlfriend left me."

"Oh pretty bad day."

"Yeah and I am sorry for what I said. I know it's not an excuse but you know…"

"Don't worry. We're good."

"Great. You're hungry?" Dean asked as he stood up and walked to the door.

He took his coat on the wall and turned around as he opened the door. "You coming?" He asked with a smile. Castiel stood up and looked at the closet. "Can I change?" He asked and Dean laughed.

"You don't need to ask me to change, buddy. I'll wait for you downstairs." Dean said as he closed the door behind him.


	3. Chapter 2

We could only hope

 **Chapter 2**

Dean frowned when he saw Castiel walking down the stairs. "Trench coat kind of guy, huh? You forgot your tie at home or what?"

Castiel looked up and tilted his head on one side. "I did, actually."

Dean laughed and pointed the front door. They went outside and Dean finally showed him his baby. They got inside and drove to a restaurant close by.

"I have a practice this afternoon so I'll be away. You could go see my brother, he should be happy to give you company." Dean said as he ate his burger.

Castiel nodded and ate in silence. Maybe he could have friends. Maybe he had made the good choice. Maybe his life who would be great here. He smiled to himself.

…

"And? Are things good with Dean?" Sam asked as they sat at the table in his room.

"Yeah, he's nice." Castiel said with a smile.

"Good." Sam said with a smile. "So what are you here for?"

"Laboratory Techniques." Castiel said. "I don't really know what I want to do exactly. I'm trying stuff."

"You're a scientist dude then, cool. I'm studying Law." Sam explained.

"But you're only seventeen."

"Yeah, I jumped some classes."

"Oh."

…

Monday morning, the clock started screaming for Castiel to wake up at six. He stopped the annoying noise and got up sleepily. He walked to the closet and looked up at Dean's bed. The man seemed still sleeping and Castiel took his clothes and changed himself in the room.

Dean opened his eyes slowly without making any sound. He looked down and saw his friend changing. He found himself unable to look away. Castiel was built under all those clothes. He kept watching until Castiel put his hand on his boxers.

"I thought you would be a little bit shyer." Dean said and he saw Castiel starting to shake.

Castiel stopped moving. That would be it… Dean would never leave him alone now… Everybody would know how ugly he truly was…

Dean jumped down and walked to the closet. He took his own clothes and went to the door. "You can stay here, I'll go change in the toilets." Dean said.

Castiel couldn't move until Dean was gone. He quickly finish changing his clothes to cover his scars. Dean hadn't said anything yet… Maybe he was just waiting. Castiel sat on his bed and put his hands on his face. Dean entered the room a couple of minutes later. He opened the lights and smiled at Castiel.

"Don't worry, Cas. I'll tell you the next time I'm awake." Dean simply said with a smile.

Castiel looked up and tilted his head. Why wasn't he talking about all the scars on his back? Then it clicked in Castiel's head. The light were close, maybe Dean hadn't seen them. Maybe he was still safe. Castiel smiled back and sighed softly.

Dean taped him gently on his shoulder and smirked. "Come on, we gotta go." He said. "I'll show you around."

…

At diner, Dean and Castiel walked in the cafeteria. Dean started pointing at tables.

"There is the gamers, over there. That's the girls table and behind is the guys. Those guys are the one that are only here for girls. I use to be there with them. Over there is the nerd table. They are always studying. That's the - normal but kind of geek people - table. My brother is friend with most of them. Those are the bikers, don't mess with their bike. And that's the football table. Come on, follow me." Dean said as he walked towards the line.

They took their lunch and sat with the football players. "Hey guys! This is Cas." Dean said with a smile.

"More like Cassandra." One said and the other started laughing.

"Guys…" Dean simply said.

"Seriously look at him! Thanks for bringing him Dean." The bigger one said with a smirk.

"You knew…" Castiel started as he looked at Dean. The other ones were laughing at him and Dean didn't know what to do. He hadn't thought about that. He had thought they would simply be okay with him being there.

Castiel stood up and ran away.

"That's it! Go cry to your mama!" Another player shouted.

"Come on Cassandra! Run, sweetheart!" Another one shouted and the cafeteria started laughing.

Dean shook his head and ran after Castiel. He found him at his locker which was in a corner of the college. Dean sat next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Don't touch me! You knew they would laugh at me! I'm not like you, Dean!" Castiel shouted.

"I'm sorry, Cas. I really thought they would leave you alone. I'm so sorry." Dean whispered.

"Dean… I trusted you."

"You can still trust me, Cas. Please, man. I'm sorry for everything." Dean whispered as he squeezed his grip.

Dean shook his head once he saw tears falling from Castiel's blue eyes. He looked at his watch and sat next to the older man. He waited and then turned after a couple of minutes.

"They must be to the gym by this time. Come on, let's go eat." Dean said and Castiel followed.

They sat alone, facing each other. "I'm so sorry, Cas. I didn't want it to happen I swear."

"I know, it's fine Dean." Castiel whispered as he ate. But that's the only thing that he said. Dean didn't forced him to talk, he was simply watching his friend. Castiel seemed so fragile sometime, it was actually sad. He must had been through so much to be like this. Dean wanted to take the pain away. There was something going on with this man. Dean was totally straight but still, there was something pushing him towards Castiel. He couldn't put his finger on it though.

Castiel looked at Dean with sad eyes. Could he trust the man?

"I'll go to my class." Castiel said as he took his cafeteria cabaret and stood up.

Dean followed him with his eyes but didn't say anything. He only nodded and sighed once his friend was gone. Well there was going the trust Castiel had in him…


	4. Chapter 3

We could only hope

 **Chapter 3**

Dean had a football practice just after school and he walked inside the guys' changing room of the gym. He changed into his outfit and walked outside with the other players.

He sat on the wooden bench and looked at his coach. The man gave the instruction and they started running for their first exercise. Dean didn't pay much attention to the practice and the coach noticed fast enough.

"Winchester!" He shouted and Dean turned.

"Huh?" He replied.

"Pay attention!" The coach shouted.

"Sorry, coach." Dean said.

"Coach he's only distracted because he can't stop thinking about his boyfriend." One player said as an explanation.

"He's not my boyfriend!" Dean shouted.

"I saw you in the dorm, you two are always together and you wanted to present him to us!" Another replied.

"Winchester, is this true?" The coach asked.

"Yes we are together because he doesn't have friends! I'm only his friend coach nothing more! And I thought you all wouldn't be asshole and laugh at him! He hate me now because of you!" Dean shouted back at the players.

"Now I know why your girlfriend dumped you." The first one said.

"Shut up! We are only friends!" Dean shouted.

"Then why are you blushing?" Another one said in the back.

"Coach!" Dean looked at him. "Stop this!"

"Dean if this boy distract you so much. I think you can forget this sport. I want men in my team." The coach said back.

"What? He's not my boyfriend!"

"Go change, Winchester. Come back when you are normal again." The coach said as started shouting at the others to continue the exercise.

Dean walked out with his mouth open in confusion. The coach thought he was gay? He had a girlfriend for fuck sake! Sure she had dumped him for another one but it wasn't because he was gay!

That day, Dean came back to the dorm without saying a word to Castiel. He plug his headphone and listened to one of his playlist until he fell asleep.

…

Castiel sat at the desk where he had put his computer and entered all his classes. He was always doing everything on his computer. All his work was on this little rectangular thing. He opened a program which was containing all the books he was reading. He started reading a new book and got lost into it. He fell asleep with his head on the desk and the light still open.

Dean entered the room about an hour later. He knew that Castiel must had been asleep by this time so he made sure not to make any sound. He smiled at his friend and gently took him in his arms. He put Castiel on his bed and pulled the cover on top of his body. He changed into his pyjamas and closed the light then went to bed. He looked down at Castiel and sighed.

They hadn't talked today as well and Dean knew he had to do the first step. He would wake Castiel up a little bit earlier tomorrow and they would talk it out.

And they did.

Dean woke up at five a.m. and stepped on the small ladder. He went down and knelt next to Castiel's bed. He gently shook him on his shoulders and waited for him to wake up. Castiel groaned sleepily as he looked at Dean.

"Dean?" He asked in his morning voice which was even deeper than he's normal gravelly voice.

"It's five in the morning but I want to talk to you." Dean whispered.

"About what?" Castiel asked still sleepy.

"The football team. The coach put me out." Dean explained.

Castiel stood up slowly and taped the bed next to him. Dean sat next to the older man and looked right in his eyes.

"Why?" Castiel asked.

"They think you're my boyfriend and I couldn't kept my head in the practice. I was thinking of what I did to you. Even if I didn't mean to, it wasn't nice. I understand if you hate me but I just want you to understand that I am really sorry." Dean said.

"Why did you bring me there?" Castiel asked. "And why do they think that we are together?"

"One, because I thought you would like to sit with a group. I thought they would accept you. And two, because I'm always with you and because I was distracted and I couldn't think of anything but you." Dean explained. "I want you to be happy, man. I can't deal with you being sad because of me."

Castiel looked at Dean's face and as the younger man smiled softly at him he felt the feeling of safeness came back to him. He felt like he could trust Dean again. He felt good again. He let himself fall forwards and landed in Dean's arms. Castiel closed his eyes and nuzzled his nose in Dean's neck. Dean simply smiled at his friend and held him close to him. That's when he heard it. The sound of a camera. He turned and saw one of the football player standing in the doorway.

"I wanted to get a picture of you two cuddling but this is good as well. Got you good gay boy." He said before running away.

Dean ran after him but the guy was already gone. Dean came back in the room to see Castiel crying on his bed. He sat next to him and took him in his arms after locking the door this time around. How did he hadn't heard the door opening?"

"Don't cry. It's okay. It's fine, Castiel… please don't cry." Dean said softly as he rub Castiel's back gently.

"I'm sorry Dean… I've just ruin your reputation for ever… I'm so sorry…" Castiel cried in his arms.

"You didn't ruin anything Cas." Dean said. "I don't care okay?" They can think that we are together if they want, okay? I only care about you right now. So stop crying." Dean said softly.


	5. Chapter 4

We could only hope

 **Chapter 4**

It was about three days later and the twenty years old man was still stressing. Castiel sat at a table next to the other student in his biochemistry class. He stared at the giant green board on the wall further away. He didn't want to look at other people he just wanted to finish this class and be done with it. He opened the microphone on his computer and pressed on record as he looked around. He wondered if college was like high school. Would people start laughing at him in his classes if they saw the picture? They were probably all from eighteen to twenty something here, huh? They were adults, they wouldn't laugh or judge him…

He turned his head down as a paper hit his table. He took it and opened the ball.

 _Nice picture, boyo. So cute._

Castiel shook his head and put it in his bag. He's phone started vibrating in his pocket and it wouldn't stop. He looked forwards and closed his eyes.

"Castiel?" The professor asked. "Are you okay?"

"Can I go take a walk?" He asked in a whisper.

She nodded with a concern look and walked to the door.

"Class, continue your work on page 214. I'll be back in a moment." She said as she opened the door to let Castiel pass.

She stopped him outside and closed the wooden door.

"What's wrong?" She asked.

Castiel took his phone out and looked at all the text he had receive. How did they found his number? Text after text, notifications after notifications. He started to breathe heavily and felt a hand on his shoulder. He looked at the professor and shook his head slowly.

"I can't…" He mouthed.

"What happened?" She asked.

"Do you know Dean Winchester?" Castiel asked after a moment.

"Yes, he is the boy that got pull out of the football team for unknown reason the other day." She said. "Why?"

"He's my roommate and he is nice to me when everybody isn't. We had a misunderstood problem and he comforted me. This was after he got put away from the team. Somebody entered our room without us noticing and took a picture when he was hugging me. And now everybody has seen it… I ruined his reputation. I ruined everything… and now he is going to hate me and I don't have anybody else…" Castiel whispered quickly as he tried not to cry. He was an adult dammit he couldn't cry because he lost a friend…

"Are you two together?" She asked.

"No… we are only friends." Castiel said.

"But you would want more." She simply stated.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't think that you would cry over losing a friend like that if there wasn't anything behind it. You have feelings for him, right?"

"I… I never thought about it…" Castiel said with a tilt of his head.

She smiled at him and squeezed his shoulder.

"You can go walk a little bit. I saw that you recorded the class, I'll just take your laptop close to me." The professor said and Castiel nodded slowly. "Thank you." He said.

He walked between corridors for a while until he heard somebody shouting his name. He turned and gasped: Dean Winchester.

"Cas!" Dean said as he ran towards him. He put his hands on his shoulders and looked right in his blue eyes. "Are you okay?"

"Yes… I'm sorry Dean." Castiel whispered.

Dean shook his head and put one hand behind Castiel's back to pull him closer. He hugged him tightly and didn't let go. Castiel closed his eyes and sniffed as he took a step forwards into Dean and hid his face in the man's shirt. They stayed like that for a long time. Not moving, simply staying in each other's warmth. The bell rang a long moment after they had went away from their classes and Castiel went to his class, followed by Dean. They entered together and the professor smiled at them.

"You must be the Dean." She said with a smile.

He nodded as Castiel took his computer and put it in his bag. She held her hand and he took it, shake it firmly and smiled back.

"If you two need anything, you can come see me here." She said and they both nodded.

They left the class and walked to a corner where nobody was walking by. Dean and Castiel sat the floor and the younger one sighed.

"Did you talk to her about this?" Dean asked slowly.

"Yes… she noticed that I wasn't feeling so good…" Castiel replied.

"What did you say?" Dean asked softly.

"I just explained everything. I think I can trust her." Castiel said.

He didn't mention the part where he had been actually talking about his feeling towards Dean, his friend didn't need to know that right now. Castiel smiled at Dean and looked down at his hands.

"So what now?" Castiel asked.

"How about we don't listen to them? We know that we are not together. If they think so, then they can have their little party by their own. My reputation is already gone anyway… girls don't even look at me anymore." Dean replied slowly.

"I'm so sorry…" Castiel said again.

"Don't be. I still have my family, as long as I stay with you and Sam, I'll be fine with that." Dean said.

"I'm not in your family, Dean…"

"Someone told me some time ago that family doesn't end in blood." Dean replied with a smile.

"Thank you Dean. How about we pass the weekend together? Me, you and Sam." Castiel proposed.

"Sure, it sound like fun."

Both men walked to their second class once the bell rang. Castiel entered and hid himself in a corner, he listened to the class and did the work he needed to do then listened again. He didn't get any messages this time but he still couldn't put his mind straight on the present subject. He couldn't stop thinking about Dean. The way his eyes shined when they talked. The way he always took care of him since they had met. The way he felt safe with him. Yep… he was pretty much having feelings for his friend right now… Somebody save him…


	6. Chapter 5

We could only hope

 **Chapter 5**

Friday night with the Winchester boys was something. They all sat on the floor and Dean took some beers. He gave one to his brother who declined and gave one to Castiel who simply took himself a small glass, not wanting to drink much but still wanting to please Dean. They ended up playing Sorry for a long time before Dean pulled out a Monopoly game. It was fun and it had made Castiel stop worrying about people laughing at them. He could simply enjoy some time with his new… family?

Sam got to his room at around midnight and Dean pointed Castiel's laptop.

"Do you want to start a movie?" Dean asked as he walked to his CD collection.

Castiel nodded and opened the laptop. He waited until Dean put the movie on and they watched it, next to each other on Castiel's bed. Dean smiled as he put an arm behind Castiel's shoulders and pulled him closer. He turned his head and stared at Castiel until the older man turned his head as well. Castiel couldn't move, they were so close to each other. He could feel Dean's breath on his lips and simply stared at him for a moment. Dean leaned forwards put Castiel turned away. Dean's lips went crashing on his cheek and he pulled back.

"Cas?" Dean whispered.

"I can't Dean… you're drunk." Castiel replied as he closed his laptop. "We should sleep."

"Cas… I'm not that much drunk. I know what I'm doing." Dean said.

"You are straight as a ramp Dean. I can't do it Dean… it's too hard for me." Castiel said.

"What do you mean?"

"I… I like you Dean… a lot and if we do this while you are drunk it just won't count."

"Cas… I won't be mad at you. You can do anything you want with me."

"It's late Dean, you need some sleep." Castiel said as he pushed Dean off the bed.

Dean Winchester climb the latter to his bed and rested his head on the soft pillow. He looked down at his best friend and smiled softly. "I love you." He whispered loud enough for Castiel to hear.

Castiel turned his head in his pillow that night. He let tears fell from his eyes and let his exhausted body fell asleep without paying attention. Memories of before came to his mind when he woke up in the morning.

As a young boy, he had discovered that he wasn't like other kids. He had always liked boys more and other kids had always bullied him for that. He had never told his parents though. He moved three times and each time, his new school would know the truth and start bullying him again. When his very catholic father found out about his orientation, he freaked out. He treated him and started beating him. That's where the scars on his back came from. His father used a whip on him and mark his skin and make him know that he was a freak.

He had moved again but this time he had left his father. He had moved with his sister Anna. But again, his school at known the truth… they had discovered the scars and he had been living in hell for the rest of his high school years.

And now he knew that college wasn't better. He needed to watch every of his movement. And he was pretty much already screwed.

"What the hell happened last night?" Dean asked as he woke up and looked down at Castiel.

"You got drunk." Castiel simply said. "Do you want some water?" He asked as he searched in his bag for a bottle.

"Sure, thanks." Dean said as he tried to catch the bottle that was being thrown at him.

Dean took a drink and rubbed his scalp gently. He could remember small parts of yesterday but it was still blurred. He could remember one think in particular though: I love you. He had said that… to Cas.

Was it true? Of course… he loved him as a friend, a best friend right? He couldn't feel real feelings towards the man, he wasn't gay. He couldn't feel those thing for a man. Even for a beautifully innocent man with big blue eyes and shiny dark hair. He couldn't love this nice and affectionate, trench coat wearing dude. Right? He loved women! Women were awesome and he only wanted them but why did all of a sudden his mental image of a perfect girl was a women with black hair and blue eyes? Could Castiel be an exception? Could you be gay for only one person?

"Are you feeling better?" Castiel asked after a long moment of silence.

"Yeah. But there is something we need to talk about." Dean suddenly said as he looked down at Castiel.

They stood up in the middle of the room and looked into each other's eyes. Dean gently took Castiel's hand and the older man looked down at their hands.

"I remember what I said last night. I told you I loved you." Dean whispered.

"Don't worry… you were drunk, I understand." Castiel said with a sad look. "I know that you do not like me that way… you don't need to explain yourself, Dean. I really do understhmmpph."

Dean had launched forwards and pressed his lips against Castiel. And in return, Castiel had just forget how to breathe. The kiss wasn't long but it was intense. Castiel pulled away with a gaping mouth. Dean smiled at him and put his hands on Castiel's hips.

"Dean?" He asked slowly.

"I love you, Cas." Dean said as he learned again.

Castiel closed his eyes as he let his lips touch Dean's in another kiss. They moved together in a slow dance that their mouth already seemed to know. They finished on Castiel's bed, both in each other warmth. Castiel smiled as he grabbed Dean's shirt and pulled it gently with his fist. Dean put an arm around his shoulders and curled it on his stomach. They were close to each other and Castiel felt safe again. Or maybe even for the first time. They kissed again slowly and Dean smiled in the kiss.

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this…" He whispered and then felt Castiel pulling away. "No… I didn't meant that. I'm just surprise at how much this feel natural. It feels right. You are amazing, Cas. I love you so much." Dean said again as he kissed the top of his head slowly.

"I love you too Dean…" Castiel whispered. "But what about the others? They will know…"

"Forget about them, Cas. It's only you and me." Dean said with a smile. "We are going to need a bigger bed I think."

"Does that mean we can go shopping?" Castiel asked as his voice seemed a little bit higher.

"You're one of those guys huh?" Dean laughed as he kissed the top of Castiel's head. "Sure, we'll go shopping."

Castiel smiled as he put his head on Dean's chest and close his eyes slowly. They slept through the rest of the morning and woke up in each other's arms just before lunch. Another kiss were shared and they dressed up to go out. Castiel was enjoying himself. He finally felt at home. But school hadn't started again yet. And still… he could only hoped.

* * *

 **That's it for part one, thanks for reading.**


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